Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Snippet From "Pieces of Me"

Okay, so it's a rather large snippet, but that's all right. Just want you to get a feel of how this story goes. This is the section in which I describe how I met my man! (This is taken directly from our Skype conversation, so there are a lot of typo's and spelling errors. I tend to do that when I get emotional. So does he.)

Skype conversation on March 23, 2013:
Me: You always say the perfect thing.
Well, almost.

Martin: Though I know I want you here it takes me a little longer to kind of realise how strong my feelings are if you can understand that

Me: That's the thing...I can, but I don't want to.

Martin: Doesn't mean I'll change my mind
I really do want you to come

Me: See, when I come there, and that hasn't been felt or verbalized, then this is all for nothing. No, that's wrong. None of this is for nothing because this is the most important [thing] that has happened in my life, save the birth of my children. But, if you don't have that inside of you, it will not work. You have to have that, or the commitment to the relationship isn't there.

Martin: I do have it. Don't doubt that for a second

Me: I don't think that I can't not doubt it.
On the other hand, I would not want you to say anything that you don't feel deep within yourself.

Martin: Oh I won't. But with me it happens a little slower. Doesn't mean I won't tell you I love you. I'm sure I will. In a minute, or tomorrow or next week. I'd just rather say it so you can hear it and know I mean it.

Me: I wouldn't want it any other way. It is vital to be given only when the giver is ready. The receiver, just so you know, is ready.
That, I think is often the case

Martin: I know how you feel and it makes feel warm inside

Me: Not me! This is scary shite!

Martin: No it's not. It's that thing that happens when feelings run riot but you can't do a damn thing about it and it drives you nuts and if that's love then yes I f***ing love you and I don't need smilies to help me say it.

Me: minute

Martin: I think I'm going to have to fedex you a shit load of kleenex

Me: i moved on to toilet paper. I don't want you to feel pressured int that. I feel like I have put pressure, simply by having this conversation. That isn't fari to you. I'm sorry.

Martin: There's no pressure. Don't think that. I won't say anything just because I think that's what you want to hear. I don't say anything I don't mean. That's the way I am. Straight and up front.

Me: I think that you have feelings. And yes, these thoughts are running riot in your brain. But that doesn't mean love. Dont' get me wrong it could mean love. But, it doesnt have to. Why don't you take time to sort all those riotious feelings and thoughts

Martin: I don't need to do that. I really don't need to. I think what's really driving me crazy is all the typing it takes to say what I can say in a few minutes.

[Several minutes pass without anyone typing]

Me: Watcha doin?

Martin: Drying my eyes

Me: I'm sorry.
I am.
But, now you know how it feels.

Martin: Don't be. It's a long time since I've been this emotional.

Me: And you say it like it's a good thing?

Martin: I've had little teary sessions watching movies now and again or seeing something on the news that's moved me but the last time I was this emotional was watching Jessica-Marie born. And yes it makes me feel good

Me: I'm sorry.

Martin: Why are you sorry?

Me: For making you cry.
I know how it feels and it isn't nice.
Are you okay?

Martin: You didn't make me cry. Well, not sad tears anyway. I don't feel sad pouring my heart out. Yes I feel sad because we're so far apart but I'm happy because I've found something worth being emotional over. Muppet's mother killed that in me but you've given it back to me. Where's the sadness in that

Me: i thnk that mu dauter thimks iv' lost my mind.
(That translates to: I think my daughter thinks I've lost my mind)

Martin: How old is your daughter?

Me: I'm sprry that she did this to you. 38

Martin: At the time she probably did me a favour in a way

Me: gave you uour Muppet.

Martin: That's all she gave me and for that I'm grateful

And that's why I am now living in a country where I don't speak the language, can't get work, and wonder what the heck I was thinking!

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